What It Feels Like to Battle Chronic Clutter

And how a Decluttering Coach can help!

I wrote this story to show two things.

• First – how incredibly painful it is to live feeling like you’re drowning in chronic clutter, despite every effort to dig out. The pervasive shame itself can be debilitating. (Incidentally, shame is a lousy motivator.)

• And second – to show how having a Decluttering Coach by your side can break that cycle of helplessness. Sometimes we just need a little help from someone who understands, has been there, and just plain cares!

And yes, this is heavily inspired by my own journey (kind of like Benihana food is inspired by Japanese food….), but the actual details, dates, etc. are what my 11 year old would call “realistic fiction.” I hope this story is helpful. I believe in you!

July, 2003
Dear Diary,
Maintenance came yesterday to fix the a/c and said the apartment was too messy for them to enter.  I’m so humiliated.  I’m doing great in a competitive master’s program, but I can’t put a shirt into a laundry basket?!  What is WRONG with me?!  How are other people doing it?

October, 2006
Dear Diary,
I told the moving company we had more in this two bedroom apartment than they could imagine.  They didn’t believe me.  Now they’re scrambling to get a second truck out here. The movers clearly don’t realize I can understand Spanish….  I am NOT going to cry in front of them!

February, 2012
Dear Diary,
We moved into this house a year ago and tonight is the first night we’ve been able to go in the basement and relax!  Finally broke down and hired a local organizer.  She came with a helper and holy cow, in two days, they opened every box we’d stashed here (some literally were moved TWICE without being opened!) and got everything put away!!!  I’m in awe.  The kids are so excited to have all this extra space to PLAY!!!!!

Later in February, 2012
Dear Diary,
Apparently keeping the house tidy requires more than a one time organization.  If we go away and our neighbors check on the house, they’re going to call the police, thinking someone broke in….

December 31, 2017
Dear Diary,
I’ve been writing this for more than a decade and a half, every single year, but: This is the year.  I am SURE of it.  I found this new method, where you sort by category, and it makes so much SENSE to me!  I’ve GOT this.  

February, 2018
Dear Diary,
Turns out, I don’t got this.  I’m stuck.  I can’t get past the paper category. I’m in all the FB groups and I know what to do, I just can’t seem to do it.  Like, maybe if I could just have a week straight, with no interruptions, I think I could make it through the whole house.  I’m sure I could!  But I can barely get 30 minutes uninterrupted….

April, 2018
Dear Diary,
Broke down and hired an organizer again last month.  Same as last time – it didn’t last the week.  Maybe I should just give up.  Maybe some people just can’t keep their house tidy.

August, 2019
Dear Diary,
I have been working my tail off all summer, and I know I must have made some progress, but I can’t SEE it!  The plumber today made some kind of snide remark like, “Wow, you must have at least ten kids to have this many toys.” I just wanted to die.  (Or at least find a new plumber.)  Why won’t the house just stay neat?!  I’ve joined some new FB groups and have an online buddy now.  Maybe this time!

November, 2019
Dear Diary,
Decluttering is just a game of whack-a-mole.  One room gets better, and the next room is trashed.  I give up. 

March, 2020
Dear Diary,
Covid.
Quarantine.
The house is doomed.

April, 2021
Dear Diary,
We’re vaccinated now, so I hired someone to help me figure out the toy storage.  Like, will I ever learn?!  I feel like I’ve tried everything. We’re trying, we really are, but…  What am I missing?!  Why is this so hard for me?!

May, 2021
Dear Diary,
People who don’t struggle with clutter just don’t GET it.  “Just put things way when you’re done!” they say.  Like, it’s obviously not just that simple for me!  I just feel so alone.

June 20, 2021
Dear Diary,
I ran across a website for something called a Decluttering Coach.  I talked to her today on zoom for about an hour, and I’m feeling cautiously optimistic.  I do all the work, but she’s there for accountability, ideas, brainstorming, whatever I need.  She helped me break down what we eventually agreed were unrealistically big goals.  I LIKE big goals, but she’s right – I don’t realistically have the ability to carry them out right now with the time I have.  We’re going to check in daily for the next week or two….  I mean, it’s worth a try, right?

June 21, 2021
Dear Coach,
Oh my gosh, I didn’t think it was possible to have OPEN SPACE on this bookshelf!  It’s so easy to get things on and off!  I see what you mean now.  Check out the rainbow books!!!!

June 22, 2021
Dear Coach,
It wasn’t an easy sell, but we teamed up as a family and it turns out with all of us helping, it only took five minutes to pick up ALL the toys in the living room last night after the baby went to bed.  I’m shocked!!!  Here’s a picture of the baby toys – the sets are even back together and the toys look so pretty and inviting for the morning!!!  Except for the letter puzzle; our W has disappeared.

July 15, 2021
Dear Coach,
The living has tidy for two. solid. weeks. now!!!!!   This is some kind of record.  It got kind of messy over the past couple days – it’s been rainy so lots has been happening indoors –  and for a moment I just looked in dismay and thought, I’ve failed AGAIN.  Then I remembered what you keep telling me – set a ten minute timer and just see how much you get through.  Turns out you’re right – it’s just the everyday mess, not a return of the clutter cyclone!!!  I didn’t even need the full ten minutes.  I’m shocked.  Oh, and I finally found that missing W!

October 15, 2021
Dear Coach,
The baby was taking a nap this afternoon, so I started running around the house trying to take advantage of the time…. But the house is still super tidy!  I threw in a load of laundry, and ended up sitting down and just reading a book.  Guilt free.  I can’t even believe this is real.

December 1, 2021
Dear Coach,
We hosted Thanksgiving this year.  I usually hate doing it, because in addition to the food prep (not my thing), I dread trying to get the house at least to a point where it’s not actually embarrassing to have people over.  But this year we really just needed to get the guest bedroom ready (it doubles as office space)!  I’m even excited to decorate for the holidays after this, since we got all the decorations decluttered and sorted, and it’s so easy to put away the Thanksgiving decor!  For the first time in years, I’m really, truly enjoying the holiday season.
Thanks, Coach.

Would you like to share your decluttering story with me? Big wins? Small wins? Big Struggles? Use the form below to contact me. #noshame #judgmentfree